Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The joys of pay per post!

So I guess some of you may have noticed the random sponsored posts on my site.

Well I guess I should share with you why they are there. I found this really AWESOME and LEGIT (key word) service that pays you to blog about topics.

My roomate's sister told her about it and how much money she was making from doing it and I laughed, thinking it had to be another one of those scams. But after a while I finally decided what the heck I have free time I might as well look into it right?

So I did, and I read the testimonials, saw how much people were making, and decided hey I like reviewing things and sharing cool new sites, ideas, products for my friends anyway (everyones knows how opinionated I am).

After figuring out that it was really legit I took the plunge and decided to write my first post. Then my second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and so on! It's been a really great experience and is a really good way to earn that extra cash...ESP. around christmas time! lol

I've actually learned a lot myself doing this, about new products, new movies, new services and being a person who likes to stay up to date on these things it has been really fun taking the time to research some stuff I would have never thought to look into myself.

I can't say I am making enough to quit my jobs, but that's not what I expected. I AM however making enough to help pay off my credit card bills which is really the main reason I started doing this in the first place. We all know they are a hassle and mine were a mile high!!

I really reccomend signing up to any of you out there looking to sport a few extra dollars in your wallet, it's REALLY simple to sign up for, the posting takes up maybe an hour of your day, and you get paid for sitting on the internet...which you are more than likely doing anyways.

I hear so many people say 'there's nothing to do on the internet anymore', well here is YOUR chance to HAVE something to do on the internet (and did I metnion get paid for it?).

I mean really, what is there to lose guys?

So go, go now check it out!! And get paid to blog!!


catatonique at 3:46 AM

So so tired..

I worked 12 hours today again.

See, I quit two of my jobs because I was running on empty and my time was very limited.
But one of them, I REALLY loved working for - she was a really awesome client, she'd slip me some extra money when I did things for her and is really just a sweet lady.

So she offered me a good sum of money to finish her sites and since I like her and really felt horrible about having to let her go I said fine.

So between that and working my regular job I spent most of the day behind my computer web designing my little butt off.

It's nice though, I am glad it turned out that I got to keep her on my client list.

One more post and I'm off to bed!

catatonique at 3:44 AM

I found this REALLY cool 'goth' dating site online while browsing through things, even if you aren't into the whole finding dates online thing it is a really well done site so you should take a look at the link I will post below.

Basically the site is aimed towards "Goth, Dark, Fetish, Vampire, Heavy, Extreme Music and Alternative Culture" which I know most if not ALL of the people who have been reading this blog would fit into.

On the site you can upload photos, and if you see someone you might be interested in you can send a wink to let the person know you are interested!

The other cool features are a Dark Cupid who will find your soulmate, free video chat, forums, a world map seeker, and a lot more.

It's also NOT just a dating site, it is a good place to make new friends. We all know the feeling of walking through a mall, getting those funny looks, and well plain and simply how hard it is to make new friends after a certian age esp. if you are a part of these types of subcultures. So this could be the perfect place to find people with the same interests as you and you just might make a friend for life out of it.

There are thousands of profiles on it, so I am sure nobody who checks out the site will have a problem finding whatever they are looking for.

So go, check it out Goth singles, and feel free to shoot me over some feedback on what you think about the site too!


catatonique at 3:31 AM


Where all there is to do is shop.

Since I have been here I have been buying movies like nobodies business:

I have bought:

Walk the Line
Memoirs of a Geisha
Just Friends
Nip/Tuck Season 2 (on sale for 15$)
Nip/Tuck Season 3 (also on sale for 15$)
Transformers (Targets awesome transforming package version)
Batman Begins
Breakfast on Pluto
Wassup Rockers
The Woods (cuz Bruce Campbell is in it :X)
Lady in the Water
Pet Semarary
Corpse Bride
Dawn of the Dead
and something else I bought online that I won't remember until it comes but could very well be 300?

And Nikki bought me Dexter Season 1.

I need to calm my ass down & stop being addicted to non-reality.

I have been seriously slacking with Pay Per Post & I need to get back to doing that...also been slacking on continuing the whole showing off my work thing. But I will continue that today I think, now that I have my schedule more set in stone and have the time to go through that. I'll prolly re-arrange my blog a bit while doing that to keep the personal away from the work stuff but sometimes you just gotta vent!

That is all!

catatonique at 3:28 AM

100 FREE blogger cards by!!

This one is for all my fellow bloggers out there, you know who you are you silly lurkers :D

It seems the newest trend in blogging is Ooprint's "Business Card 2.0". Your blogger card allows you to leave your mark (or rather, your URL) outside the digital world. The unique tag cloud can be personalized to focus on key words that are important to you and your blog.

And the best part about this is offers 100 blogger cards for FREE (you pay only shipping fees).

How can you say no to free???

The full Ooprint product catalogue is available at
You can also read more about Ooprint on their blog

I have been on the site for the past 30 minutes or so looking at their designs and they are all very sleek and I think anyone who wants to lead people to their blog should def. take a look and take advantage of the 100 free cards! It's def. a way to get you are getting an early inside scoop on something that is going to be a steadily growing trend I believe!

So I am going to shut up and let you check it out: 100 FREE business cards!


catatonique at 1:44 AM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

What the....

I am currently TRYING REALLY HARD to pay attention to Inland Empire but it's successfully confusing the living fuck out of me and I didn't realize it was almost 3 hrs long.
I love you Mr. Lynch but I don't think I'm really enjoying this one as much as I hoped I would.
I'm always down for a good old fashioned mind fuck, but this is more like a typical Lynch mind fuck turned mental meltdown turned I can't even pay attention anymore cuz I just don't get it type of thing.
I think I'll have to watch it again before returning it...

Not much else going on here, just trying to keep my mom from killing herself (though I don't think she would she says she's going to at least 5x a week), trying to keep my head on straight, working 10hrs a day on average, and smoking like a motherfucker.

Sarah comes to NY tomorrow (whoot!), so I should IM her my new screen name and try to finish this movie and go to bed.

catatonique at 1:25 AM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Random Quotes Day!

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him. - Eddie Cantor

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.

I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street. - Virginia Woolf

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends. - Friedrich Nietzsche

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. - Chuck Palahniuk

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. - Gilda Radner

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death. - Robert Fulghum


Instead of me writing a long ass post about what's going on in my head because I can't put words together without unintentionally (or intentionally) offending anyone, I decided to just post some quotes.

If you put 2 and 2 together you get 4 and that is indeed what I am talking about.

Now, I am going to fall asleep to Dexter because nothing makes me happier than Dexter except maybe tonights episode of Nip/Tuck and not hearing my mother crying anymore (for tonight at least)....I can't sleep when she's crying.

catatonique at 11:56 AM

Thursday, November 08, 2007

So Monday my mom's friend died.
This is not a very good time in any of our lives, really.
She's at the viewing right now, same room & place my dad's was in...I can only imagine she is freaking out right now and I can't go be supportive because I can't walk into that room again without flipping the hell out.
And I've been really good about that so far.

But I guess my dad's here hanging out with me, at least I feel he is.
I was playing with night vision on my camera anyways, trying to be "cool" and I read in 50 places that orbs in photos are supposed to be ghosts?

Note: there was NO flash used in this picture (night vision doesn't use flash & where it looks like there's flash isn't even WHERE the flash is on my camera) yet there's 8-10 orbs and a halo. What the funker vogt? The only edit I did to this was resizing and putting a border around it...why is my face blurry too?

Then, feeling ghostly and slightly artsy fartsy I took this photo:

Which would be creepy if you weren't aware of the fact that it was me.

Night vision is fun, I think I'm gonna make a gallery of night vision photos when I'm done with gives that creepy 28 days later feel to things I think.

Moving quite along, before I get all stupid on everyone.

I guess I can post these photos here, here are 3 pix I took at the VLB tour, you can see more at the links below them.

Mind you I haven't concert photographed "legally" in at least 3 years so I have to get back into the swing of it.

Gwar with their funny little Bam doll who squirted blood from his pee pee (better than the Don Vito one, who's ass blood action I didn't get on film) - more here.

Cradle of Filth, I'm quite proud of this one actually - more here

Vains of Jenna, who sadly I only got to shoot for about a song so I only got bout 15 pix none of which are that great but not bad either - more here

The HIM ones are on Metal Edge as well but since they technically aren't mine (I just spent hrs editing them to look better since we used my 6mp less super duper awesome camera to take them since I didn't have my super duper awesome one yet so noise and blur reduction FTW x 10) they were just taken on my camera by Tracy and put under my name for 'legalities' I shall not...

Or fuck it, I explained the situation so here:

Tis my fav cuz there's pretty lights - more here

Okie this seems really long cuz there's pix.

So on that note I will say I should have brought more than 2 seasons of Buffy w/ me cuz I am already on the last ep. of Season 2, but I guess I'll make Heather drop them off haha.

And why the heck does it say on milk that it expires Nov 20th but then in smaller print says Nov 15th in NY? Does milk go bad faster in NY? Someone explain this because I have been confused about it for years.

I had more to say but all the photo stuff made me lose it.

catatonique at 1:24 PM

Monday, October 22, 2007


HIM shows = funtimes that I really needed.
Photo pass = funtimes that I allowed Tracy to have at this show cuz I fear Ville haha.
HIM's guest list being "hard to get on" must be true cuz niggaz couldn't hook a bitch up with a +1 but only had like 3 people on their damn list haha.
They never even got back to Courtney :X
But, whatevs cuz we're awesome & Philly will eat our faces I just...know this.

'Twas funny, on the list of what passes were for what they had it backwards and it said blue was all access, and somehow we only had one but were able to pretend we had two...dunno how that worked besides by just pretending it was okay haha + being drunk and not giving a shit at the end.

We didn't get scabies, I know that makes no sense to any of you but just be glad haha.

Now, I'm off to look for a better camera cuz it seems I'll be rockin' that shit next week again for VLB.

More details later, perhaps.


catatonique at 3:23 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Friends & Funerals

So now that things have....settled in some way.

Let me bitch, about my friends (and praise the good ones...)

So the wake, that was some really horrible times. It didn't even LOOK like him but I guess a lot of people say that.
Maybe it was just me not wanting it to look like him?

Either way I went uber cheesecore that day (here's a sign, I am human).
See my dad, he loved his Nascar and I bought him silly matchbox cars for xmas I gave him one to take with him to whatever alternate universe he may be in, because I knew it would make him laugh.
If that didn't have enough Velveeta attached to it when we were going through photos to use for some photo wall we did, I found this award I made in 1994 for him, I think it was a father's day card declaring it his month an thanking him for putting up with his pain in the ass of a daughter...on the back I found a note I wrote on it that I'm not sure he ever read....but I added another one, all the things I knew I couldn't say to his body with my brother and mother standing there.
To that, I attached a map of Las Vegas because he lived for Vegas...who knows, maybe when you die you go to your favorite place in the world and he might need it?
And a photo of me and my mom during a breif period of time where I had normal hair.

So that's what I did, it's so lame but it made me feel better.

The morning viewing was hell, walking in there I thought I was going to fall over, or lose control, and part of me thought that I would just smack him and try to wake him up.
None of that happened, besides losing control.

No one I knew showed up in the morning, but I expected that.
It was all my moms friends.
I never, once realized how many people my father touched, there was a side of him I knew I started to get to know over the past few years -- but so many people knew it better than me it seemed.

The thing that summed up my dad that day was an almost direct quote...and it's funny so laugh because I am.
Basically every morning my dad would stand outside my parents Dry Cleaner smoking and wasting time...
So one of his friends was saying he'd get to Heaven and whoever would say there was a no smoking policy...
Then said my dad's response would be "That's okay, I'll just go downstairs".

It's so true.

Anyways after that we went home and ate then went for the second viewing.
That one was easier to walk into, but I couldn't really look in the general direction of the casket.
The first person, unexpectingly, to show up was Joe (Colleens Ex Husband), then Heather, Chrissy (who I haven't spoken to in nearly ten years --this is important later on--), and Brian Smith showed up, then Collen.
I am really glad they showed up because it made the night seem like it was something other than what it was. comes kicker #1.
So we all know, I have bitched about Heather before...for being a bit of a selfish person.
Well, Chrissy and Brian were trying to get her to go to this dude Chris' house to hang out with people she claims she HATES all the time.
I invited her to come out with Colleen & I (and my bro/his friends) for a drink after while my mom had time with her friends.
But, instead of going out with your grieving friend....well going to see people you hate is just the better option.
It shows how much you care!
So she went....and I was slightly peeved.

After that Collen & I went out with my bro for a bit then I came home, cried some more, and tried to sleep in my moms bed.
No sleep was had.

So the funeral...I wanted to look pretty for my dad so I rocked some ringlets and tried to look nice and normal.
Rachel (the best person ever) decided that I needed her and she was going to drive down STRAIGHT from work to be with me the day of the mass/burial.
She prolly doesn't realize how much that meant to me.

So we went in, to say our last goodbyes and again I still couldn't accept it was him, but I said what I had to say (in my head) and my mom told me to touch him.
But I couldn't. I wanted to...because maybe there was some part of him that would know but I just couldn't.

Then we hopped into a limo and went to the church.
Honestly besides Rachel I didn't know who the hell was there (since she came with us), watching them roll the casket past us and covering it and having us follow it up to the front might have been the hardest part.
Because it was shut now, it wasn't open, there was no chance in hell that he could scare the shit out of me now and open his eyes and is going on here?
So we did that, the mass was quite uncomfortable because I don't believe in most of that stuff & well it felt like the preist kept looking at me for not participating in anything besides standing up and sitting down.
My religious freak of a non-aunt kept holding my hand during prayers and I wanted to smack her I mean, I know she was doing it for comfort but I am not praying I am just standing there in my own thoughts thinking my own things and maybe giving my own little 'respects' in my mind...I can't even remember.

My mom made me go eat Christ Chex (I'm going to hell, with Dane) because my dad would have wanted us to.
And I felt like a hypocrite.
My uncle did the euology because none of us could, and it was nice.
I wouldn't have known what to say, I don't think I could have said anything.

Then we followed it back out...and waited...and talked to everyone outside.

Here comes kicker #2.
No sign of Heather, Chrissy was there (hence the 10 years thing being important) but Heather....was sick.
Later I come to find out they were out until 4am breaking into Chris Moore's house.
You would think maybe Heather would have been like hey I feel sick (cuz she WAS sick the night before) I shouldn't be out late.
(Slight kicker 1.5 she was supposed to meet with us the night before after going there for an hr and never texted me to let me know she wasn't...cuz she gave a shit).
But no, she ditched out on my dads fucking funeral.
I've known the bitch 20 years...and she can't even hop out of bed BE DRIVEN 2 minutes (this is literal) down the street and sit there for an hr?
She didn't want to get me and my family sick...
Churches have 58934893 pews, you could have sat alone.
All she could think of was not getting out of bed...
I don't think I even NEED to write a response about that, do I?

So yeah, now Heather wasn't there, and Colleen was supposed to drive with her to the burial in NY.
Let me say Colleen is the best friend you could ask for...she hates driving to NY, was offered rides, but chose to drive by herself and drive Tracy who she didn't even know back here to be with me.
Girl even drove to Philly for the 3rd time in one day (well I drove but she came) just to pick up my non aunt & uncle with me becuase I didn't want to go alone.

So yeah....Chrissy comes, Heather doesn't, Rachel drives 6 hours (but came with us in the limo because there was no way my mom or me were gonna let her drive more + my mom really wanted to meet her), Colleen rules my world, and Tracy understandingly couldn't have been there but was after.

So the burial...ya know I was okay with that part.
Except when the preist threw holy water at me and it got in my mouth.
And the ONLY reason I know I was okay with it was because unlike in the movies I didn't have to watch him be lowered into the ground.
I was dreading that all day, it was the only thought in my mind all day, because despite all the crying I did ahead of that I would have I dunno ran away? fallen to my knees? done something completely over dramatic?
I am very thankful for not having to see that.

His resting place is 5 minutes down the road from me, which is nice because I am going to want to be there.

After all that we came home, ate some more, then Collen, Tracy, Rachel & I went to the Brookwood and did a Kamakazi shot for my dad among some other drinking and gabbing on and off. Her friend Gina showed up about 15 minutes before we left.

And yes, as an aside I AM indeed walking into the memorial tattoo realm.
There's a Dove on his mass card I want to get and there is a very short poem on the back that was just so him it needs to fit in there somehow. It's oval shaped so I think I can frame it an it is short enough to have it wrap around.
Anyways...I feel like I need to do that.

So end this overly long entry.
The night of the funeral Heather was texting me asking if I was mad at her.
Which is a really, really stupid question.
I let her stew for 3 days (should have let her stew longer but goddamn I couldn't deal with more texts).
Then I tried to give it to her, but ya know...avoidance is key.
The excuses I got, the 'reasons', the I'm sorrys...they were all just words, empty words I knew really had no meaning.
It's not like we were supposed to go for coffee.
I tried to explain how I felt for once, what she did, how dissapointed and hurt I was.
Nothing, let's talk about you instead.

And people say "why are you still friends with her?"
And that, my something I can not answer because this time I can't come up with any other excuse than I've known her all my life...I can't just drop that, not right now.
I think this really really made me realize the kind of person she was.
And I wish I could say in the same situation reversed I'd be able to do the same thing.
But I'm not that kind of person, and though revenge is sweet I couldn't disrespect her dad like that.

There's other people who have pissed me off during this whole ordeal, but if it is teaching me any life lesson it's : fuck people - live for yourself.
Or I should rather say, it's stressing that point because well I always knew people were a dissapointment.

My dad, he did it right...even if he was just being internal like me : never marry, never depend on people, never bet more than you can afford.

The people that don't count in that statement, know who they I've known you months or years all of your efforts are highly appreciated and each and every one of you have made me feel better in some way or another....


P.S. Remind me to write about the pennies...if I didn't last time.

catatonique at 3:19 AM

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


That subject title seems inappropriate, but if you knew him it's perhaps the most suitable one.

I don't even know where to begin, but I feel as if I am not in my body right now. I feel like I'm not even here, I'm in NY asleep and having the longest nightmare known to man.

Tracy woke me up yesterday morning because my mom called crying at 7:30 or something.

My initial reaction (along with my brothers) was something happened to my grandmother, I mean she's been living in a nursing home for over 10's expected right??

Not my fucking father.
There was nothing wrong with him, he was healthy and he just went to sleep Monday and didn't wake up.
Why the fuck is he still sleeping?

I don't understand it, and I just want to say goodbye and I love you but the air doesn't respond and there's no one on the couch downstairs watching TV and no ones in my old room playing poker.

I saw you on the deck last night, but I was tripping out on Ambien and knew it wasn't real - it was just a stupid fucking tree or my blurry ass vision making things up.

And I know you don't want me to cry but I don't know what the fuck else to do.
I feel bad when I'm not crying.

I wish this wasn't real.

I wish he was sick, I wish we knew, I wish a lot of things but wishing isn't going to change what happened.

We were never close, but we are the same person.
I realize this now, when everyones coming over and my mom is talking about him and they're talking about him and I realize...I am not one of those girls who is or was going to grow up to be like their mother.
Thanks for the sarcasm, thanks for the dry humor, thanks for the inability to vocalize how I'm feeling.

And everything that hurt me, hurt me because I wanted you to accept me.
Can't you just tell me you're proud of me?
That I did something right, something to make you smile?
I wish you knew how much I respected you, even when you were an asshole.

Who's gonna fuck up my car now?
Who the fuck is gonna use coat hangers to hold the muffler on and replace the part my seat belt clicks into with huge hooks?

I can't even get into my car without thinking about him.
I can't walk around this stupid fucking house.
I can't, I just want my daddy.

I wish I finished teaching you how to burn a cd last time I was here.

I don't know if I can deal with tomorrow, all those fucking people.
I don't know if I can deal with Friday, I can't watch them put you in the ground in a fucking box.
That was the worst, the minute we picked that thing out, that was the minute it all became slightly more real and I broke.

But can't he just come home and say haha I got you good?
Cuz he would, and I'd laugh and my mom would throw a plate at him and my brother would - I don't know...

I knew I'd have to deal with this eventually, but I thought it would be when I was 64.
Not 28, not right when we started to get along.

I slept with my mom last night.
Well, if you could have called it sleeping it was more like trying to sleep, watching her cry and hit things, hugging, trying to sleep, rinse, lather, repeat until she went downstairs and finally passed out.
I can't look at her, it hurts too much.

I just want to curl up in bed.

I want to be technical.

My mother brought him his pack of cigarettes and a lighter to be buried with.
He didn't want shoes, so we're dropping off slippers today - he wanted to be comfortable.
He didn't want an autopsy so we'll never really know what happened - but they're assuming either a heart attack or stroke.

I want to give him something that would make him laugh.
I don't know if that's because I believe he's still here and he'll watch me and know or because I think he'll wake up in some alternate universe and understand and have a chuckle.

I don't want to see his body, I don't want to see anything.
I just want to sleep.

I want to turn on his computer and see a note, I had a dream he left one and it made everything better...
But I can't go in that fucking room.

I feel week, like my knees are going to give out.
I feel like I need to vomit.
I feel like I need to scream.
I have the worst migrane ever.

I'm scared for my mother, I don't know what is going to happen to her.
I always feared her dying, but never my dad...I think I thought he was invincible.

We went to the nursing home to tell my grandmother.
She took it better than we thought, but I don't think she will really understand until he hasn't came and visited her for a while.
But everyone there we told was crying.

I never realized how many people knew my dad or how many people loved him.
People just keep coming over, and texting, and calling.

I can't fucking remember if I told you I loved you last time I was leaving.

I can't write anymore...but since I can't vocalize either I know I will.

I have to go deal with reality & help my mom pick out clothes for him.



PAUL L. WASZAK, 64, of JACKSON, died Tuesday, Oct. 2, at his residence. Mr. Waszak was born in Elmhurst, Queens, N.Y. and resided in Elmont, Queens, N.Y. before moving to Jackson 20 years ago. Mr. Waszak was the co-owner along with his wife, Maria of Magic Touch Cleaners, Jackson for 15 years. Paul also worked for the U.S. Postal Service, Lakewood, as a mail carrier for 20 years, retiring in January 2005. Prior to that, Paul worked for the U.S. Postal Service in New York as a mail carrier for four years. Paul also worked for the New York Label & Box Company as a printer for 25 years. Mr. Waszak was a communicant of St. Aloysius Roman Catholic Church, Jackson. Paul enjoyed bowling and was an avid NASCAR racing fan.

Mr. Waszak was predeceased by his father, Joseph Waszak. He is survived by his wife of 43 years, Maria Waszak; his son, Paul J. Waszak of Jersey City; his daughter, Stephanie M. Waszak of Maspeth, N.Y.; his mother, Mary Waszak of Jackson; and his brother, Lawrence J. Waszak of Payson, Ariz.

Relatives and friends are respectfully invited to attend his visitation from 2 to 4 p.m. and 7 to 9 p.m. Thursday at the George S. Hassler Funeral Home, 980 Bennetts Mills Road, Jackson. A funeral gathering will be offered at 8:15 a.m. Friday at the funeral home. His Funeral Liturgy will follow at 9:15 a.m. at St. Aloysius Roman Catholic Church, 935 Bennetts Mills Road, Jackson. Interment will follow in St. John's Cemetery, Middle Village, Queens, N.Y. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in the memory of Mr. Waszak to the American Cancer Society, 1035 Hooper Ave., Toms River, NJ 08753, and would greatly be appreciated. For directions and further information, please visit

--Sorry for all the offensive language, I just don't care right now.

catatonique at 3:13 AM

Friday, September 28, 2007

It's been a while.

I know it's been FOREVER since I've posted a blog.

Kind of got really busy with a new job!
The kind people at Techistry offered me a REAL job, meaning REAL hours, and a steady paycheck.

I am all kinds of excited.

It's been a bit hectic because I had to train in less than a week on a TON of new stuff, then I had to get used to having a schedule, and so on...

But I think this is gonna be good!

catatonique at 3:08 AM

Monday, September 10, 2007

Damn I stopped this is what my blog looks like!

I could go over everything that's been going on in my life, but that's what going to my myspace is for if you really give a shite.

Right now, I just want to think my thoughts and leave them open to my own interpratation without comments from the peanut gallery.

Those thoughts aside, I sometimes wonder why I do the things I do.

Why I'm so...tolerant of everyone elses flaws, among my own.

I'm in this state of mind where I don't really feel like I want anything. But I want everything at the same time...

I got what I was striving for (in one section of life) and it's not all as great as it sounded on paper. But nothing really does now does it?

Long live the new flesh...

I started writing something else, but it's too late for that.

It will def. be done soon though...possibly later when I'm not half asleep thinking these thoughts...


catatonique at 3:10 AM

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

August has been a busy busy month!

I did get a promotion at work.
It's nice.....and frustrating.

I had a lady today, who made me feel like a complete moron, driving me to tears...first time ever a client has made me cry and feel like I was a total dumbass. This lady was SUCH an uber bitch...kept yelling at me then saying she wasn't blaming me then yelling at me for something else and being super fucking snotty...and I think the main reason that it frustrated me so much is because normally I'd be like STFU AND LISTEN TO ME BITCHFACE but I was I couldn't.

I have to be up at 10am....but I never actually start doing anything until after noon.
I'm supposed to have content for newsletters BY noon....but I never get it until about 2 or later (with some exceptions).
I am supposed to be doing support for people...but no one told me exactly what I'm supposed to do.

So basically, I just got thrown into this crazy whirlwind of mass confusion.

I am basically 'working' from 10am till about 8pm on average over the past 4 days. Hopefully once I get a better hang of these things...this will change to a more normal schedule.

It's good, I mean most of the people I work with are very nice and VERY helpful - today was just really overwhelming. And I have had worse/busier days it's just this is my first week handling this stuff & though I was told I am awesome to work with, and have been doing a really awesome job...I still feel like I have to do everything perfectly so I can make a good first impression (though I guess I already did by getting the promotion but a better impression on THIS type of work)...

The money will be awesome and def. help my bills.

It's just hard right now, and I love being busy all the time. I'm the kind of person who likes having 15 things to do at all's just when said 15 things are overlapping and in the midst of 14 I get a call to do something else before I do 15 that should have been finished before I even started 13 if that makes sense things get crazy in my head.

I want to stick with this, I want it to be 3 years down the road where I am happy doing what I'm doing, in a routine, and having a steady income...because this is really what I want to be doing. It involves so many different types of music, it's web work, and it's from the comfort of my catch.

And I know it will take a while for me to get to that point where it's a piece of cake and I'm used to the rush....

I just need to get through the hard stuff first.

I was gonna write about the United States Postal Service sucking again...

but I am le tired.

catatonique at 3:16 AM